We live in an age of immediacy that is enhanced by the influential forces around us- from the voices of the media, politics, fitness programs, and even the education of our own children. You can see it within the dreams and desires we have as well. We don’t just want to become wealthy; we want to do it overnight. We don’t just want to become a boss lady with a dream job, the perfect kids, and a handsome husband, we want it NOW.
I believe this is the reason that the youth of this generation are particularly plagued with anxiety. They can sense the ever-growing pressures of the world surrounding them. If you haven’t figured out your career by the age of 13, well then, I guess you’re nothing special.
I too have been caught up in this facade of instantaneous growth. I have wasted much time worrying over what vocation or career I was meant to have or even what talents or hobbies would make me stand out on my college application. How deeply I wish I could return to younger Grace and let her know that her life was actually in the hands of God and could she just slow down and enjoy herself a little? Through high school, college and beyond, I continuously struggled with the tendency to worry over my future and question every move I made.
Becoming pregnant took my tendency to worry over the future and slowly, over time, replaced it with an awe for the mystery of growth. Real transformation usually happens when we don’t realize it- until we look back and there it is, just like the growth of a child in her mother’s womb. We know that it is happening, though we aren’t quite sure how and then suddenly, a fully grown baby is in your arms.
I know that the devil constantly attacks us by persuading us to look at our lives through a lens of calculation. We like to calculate how valuable we are by adding up what we have accomplished with our time. This is furthered by many of the tools of our world- resumes, profile descriptions, job titles, lists of achievements and awards etc. They summarize who we are in a couple of bullet points. And yes, these tools are often helpful resources for career development and professional growth, but if we let them translate into our personal growth then they become destructive devices.
Beautiful things take time to grow. And all the worrying in the world doesn’t make them grow any faster or better. While pregnant, I experienced many moments where I was forced to be patient with myself. I had no other choice. Through the pangs of morning sickness which caused me to fall behind on grad school and home life to the exhaustion of carrying a nine-month-old baby in my womb- I became quite familiar with the virtue of patience, even though I didn’t necessarily enjoy it. When friends would ask me how my pregnancy was going, I remember explaining to them how totally wild it was that tasks that came so easily to me like exercising, going all day without napping, or surviving 24 hours without vomiting suddenly became a struggle. In order to be kind to yourself during pregnancy, you have to reset your personal expectations of what you are able to do. However, this was difficult for my pride and I’m sure many other women can relate. The introduction of another human into your body certainly rocks your world.
“Patience, prayer, and silence- these are what give strength to the soul.” St. Faustina
Unsuspectedly, patience with yourself is what actually causes incredible growth, as St. Faustina suggests. It allows beauty to flourish in our soul like a garden that slowly begins to burst with life when given persistent care. I am consistently amazed as to how when I step out of my own plan for life and let Christ enter, this is when real mountains start to move. But I have to constantly fight against the world. Our culture of rapid progress lacks understanding of how slowing down, simplifying our lives and prioritizing patience with oneself uncovers the depth of our personal beauty and creates space for new seeds to sprout in our soul.
So whether you are pregnant or not, here’s my proposal: Take a moment to create time in your life for patience to grow. Spend 5 minutes in silence. Go on a walk and leave your phone behind. Journal about 5 ways you have grown in the last year. Do not be overcome by the aimless hurry of the world, but ground yourself in the simplicity of Christ, the only one who can grow beautiful things in your soul.
