Giving birth to my daughter was and still is the most difficult, insane and incredible task I have ever accomplished. I still remember quite vividly one moment during labor when I thought to myself, “I will never do anything more important or wild than this.” While nothing can perfectly prepare you for your first birth, every woman does have what it takes. There is a deep feminine strength that mysteriously surges into action, fueled by a mother’s immense love for her child which she has been calmly cultivating for nine months. While I know there are many courses out there meant to prepare a woman for natural childbirth, the following is my own version of the phases of birth, written in the hopes of fostering deeper honor and appreciation for a woman’s unique ability to bring forth life.
The first stage is anticipation. When I started having contractions, I felt a thrilling dichotomy between excitement and nervousness that the time was finally here. Nine months of waiting were coming to an end at last! I was so ready to meet my girl. For a first-time mom, this stage is especially difficult because you don’t know what to expect. While the contractions had started, they definitely did not come close to the intensity ahead. They just seemed to signal me to prepare myself. And the best way to prepare? Rest, relax, calm yourself. Eat. Drink. Sleep. Get your body ready for the birth ahead. Could I do any of that? Mmmm.. not really. Did I try? Of course. I hope that in future births, I can better master this stage, but for my first time round, I definitely gave in to the giddy anticipation of holding my little girl for the first time. And looking back, my excitement was an appropriate response to the great joy that lay ahead.
I would call the next stage finding your rhythm and argue that it might be the most important of all. During this time, a laboring woman has to settle into her own unique pace or flow so as to manage the contractions and allow her body to open up for delivery of her child. It requires immense receptivity and openness to get through this phase, which can be especially hard for first time moms who have never experienced the rhythm of birth before. It certainly was not easy for me and I oscillated between strategies, sometimes taking on the contractions very actively with loud moans and motion and then other times trying to make my body as relaxed and quiet as possible, letting the surging contractions wash over me. I don’t believe that there is one method that is best for anyone. Each woman has to find the rhythm that suits her, and I don’t think that she needs to stick to one method the whole time either. It’s most important for her to listen to her body and give it what it needs moment by moment. To birth well, a woman must lean into her innate instincts, trusting her body to do what it was created to do.
The next phase is, simply put, insanity. This is the pushing stage of labor, when you have zero energy but have to do the hardest amount of work. It’s incredible. I remember feeling as though I was doing something that was absolutely impossible, yet, I was still doing it! How could this be? I still wonder how I got through it. It’s at this point when that incredible feminine strength surfaces and somehow carries you through. For me, I also remember thinking that I would do anything for this to be over, so somehow the level of pain didn’t seem to matter so much, I just wanted to cross the finish line. At one point, moments before my daughter was born, my midwife’s assistant told me that I could reach down and feel her head with my hand if I wanted to. I remember completely ignoring this comment and thinking to myself, “Oh I know her head is there, but I’ m not going to give one ounce of my energy towards feeling her head until she is completely OUT.” While the pain was remarkably immense, my revival of energy came from the encouragement from my midwife that my daughter was on her way. Knowing that she would be in my arms was the only strength I needed to keep going.
Now this next phase is my favorite one, probably because of how miraculous it seems, which is why I call it transformation. In these moments, you get to hold your baby for the first time. Throughout your pregnancy, you have been preparing, waiting, learning and growing towards motherhood. That first moment when you hold your child is the crowning glory of your journey. It’s a mysterious paradox that a mother is so close to her child for nine months yet knows so very little about them during that time. In the moments that I first held my daughter, it’s as though somehow, I knew her so well, but yet still couldn’t get enough of her. Even though she looked a little purple and funny after just coming through the birth canal, to me, she was the most beautiful being I had ever seen. My husband was the inspiration behind the name of this phase, since he witnessed my dramatic transformation from a woman raging in pain to the gentlest of mothers, remarking to me afterward how striking this transformation was. He saw me go from screaming wildly to whispering sweetly to my baby girl. This is the moment that no parent will ever forget.
I received three gifts after my daughter was born, which is why I call this last phase gift. The first was of course my daughter herself. I could hardly believe that such a beautiful being had been growing inside me. The fulfillment I felt from holding her for the first time was nothing short of heavenly. The second gift I received was an intimacy with the Blessed Mother that was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I could feel her beside my bed, looking down on us and whispering loving affirmations into my ear. The radiance of her joy was so palpable. The third and final gift was an overwhelming realization of the love of God the Father. Here I was, wonderstruck by how much I could love this little girl. I felt my heart growing by the instant when it suddenly dawned on me that my love could not even compare to the heavenly Father’s own love for me, my family and every person he had created. It was overwhelming and humbling all at once.
Together, these phases complete my most important achievement. Giving birth is so universal, yet so individual and I hope this glance into my experience casts some light onto the mysterious reality and precious gift that childbirth is.
*These phases are based off of my own personal experience and do not necessarily hold universal for all women. My wish in writing this is to uphold and perpetuate the beauty of bringing life into the world, and not in any way to discourage other women if they have not shared this experience. Birth will always be unique to mother and child and every woman should be proud of their own birth stories, whatever they may be.
