Have you ever been to a birthday party where the celebrated person hates being the center of attention? It happens particularly with little children frightened by the experience of being sung to, off key, in a dark room. Oh and everyone is staring at you. These same people are not always adept at receiving gifts, or rather, the process can be a bit awkward. We all remember those rambunctious parties when all our middle-school friends would circle round us, meticulously observing as we read the card, opened up each present, made some exclamatory remark, and then thanked the giver. All the pressure lies on the receiver of the gifts. It takes tactful skill to be equally appreciative of so many.
In some sense, we are the center of the birthday party every single day. Gifts are showered on us from noon till night, and even sleep is welcomed as a gift. Greetings, food, knowledge, friendship, the wonders of nature are bestowed on us each day. Receiving does not require a birthday present tied up with string and sealed with a bow. Yet like the tactful dexterity of the gift-receiver at a birthday party, receptivity has its challenges and demands. No gift should go unreceived or unwelcomed. One might ask, what do these gifts DO for us? And I would respond with the question- What if we chose to become what we have received?
This summer I experienced the worth of “becoming what we have received” in a startling way. I was mentor to a group of seventh and eighth grade girls, meeting with them one on one every week for guidance and goal-setting. Taking on the position with little experience but a hopeful spirit, I gave them advice, shared stories and helped them set goals in their growing lives. I would ask them questions about themselves, their families, their struggles and frustrations. In response, they would open themselves to me with all the precious innocence of insecure middle-schoolers. I fell in love with these girls by receiving their persons with wide arms and an open heart. I began to notice every detail of their personalities: activities they enjoyed, fears they held, the reasons behind their laughter. I watched them overcome insecurities, achieve their goals, but most importantly, gain the confidence to accept the gift of themselves. I watched myself change by their gift of self. Never had I experienced such a change in myself as to be humbled by the simple self-sharing of these youth. By receiving what these girls had to offer, I saw more clearly who I was. Their vulnerability opened me to the lack of my own. Their ambition showed me how to find my passion. Their suffering taught me gratitude beyond words.
Every gift has the power to engender a response within us. Every gift that comes to us has the potential to show us who we are. It works the other way too. When we give to another our vulnerability, we give of our very selves and their response teaches us in return.Yet authentic receptivity requires recognition of the preciousness of each gift and an understanding of EVERYTHING AS GIFT.*
What would happen if we chose to see everything as gift? Even the sufferings, the pains of friendship and love? We would no longer be focused on the rigid self-defining that racks our time, searching for the self within limited characteristics to which we cling. Rather, we would become open-hearted beings, seeing each moment not as a time line to be kept but rather an encounter to be had, all enveloped within a continuous discovery of self.
To become what we have received. This is the answer to our insatiable search for self, to our longing to be defined, known and loved. This truth comes with the understanding of identity as a journey, linked day by day through a continuous discovery of the depth, the infinitude, and immense worth of the self.
“Learn how to reflect, how not to interpret your human experience superficially but rather in depth: you will discover, with wonder and joy, that your heart is a window open on the infinite! This is man’s greatness but also his difficulty.” ~Pope Benedict XVI
*(1 Cor 4:7)
