Toasting 2022: An Ode to Halfway Dreams

It was sometime in early January of 2022 when I was in the midst of planning a party that would never actually happen. Some of my dearest friends from college were in town and I was the designated host. Since we all lived in different states and at various junctions of life, it was exciting for a handful of us to be together again. To add to my own enthusiasm, I had recently found out that I was pregnant with my second child, and I couldn’t wait to reveal the secret to my friends during the joy of our reunion. It was the perfect firework of circumstances and I merrily planned away as the day approached, preparing for a heartwarming celebration to kick off the new year. However, when the day arrived, a domino effect of misfortunes occurred. Miscommunication, sickness, and cancellations arose until the final tragedy fell: I began to miscarry. Stunned by the loss, we quietly dismissed our guests to process our sorrow. I’m not going to describe the details of this experience at this time, but what I will say is this: I was devastated, heartbroken and numb with grief. 2022 had hit me like a punch in the gut and I didn’t know how I would recover.  

I’m here to tell you that I did. It took time, grace, tears, and lots of cuddles from my toddler, but now, a year later, I see more blessings in 2022 than suffering and more growth than brokenness. I’m not here to say that I’m completely healed, or that 2022 turned out to be the best year ever but I’m here to say that I embrace it all. 

I don’t know about you, but I can waste a lot of time playing the if-then game. If I only had a larger house, I would be able to host more people. If only my Instagram feed was more aesthetic, I would have more followers. If only I had more time, then my writing would really flourish. I’m sure we’re all familiar with this age-old excuse tactic and I for one am particularly adept at it. But if there’s anything that 2022 has taught me, it’s that accepting where I am is the only way I can get to where I’m going. 2022 has helped me to love the halfway dreams, the ones where I’m right in the middle of the dreaming, the doing and the wondering. Because our lives are never fully complete until they are done, so why not embrace the being in between? 

Even though losing my child left an irreversible mark on my heart that I wasn’t sure how to accept, through prayer and grace, I have come to understand it as a halfway dream too. After wading through the weight of the blinding grief, I can see how through the loss, my family has grown. Through this growth, my dream of raising a family continues to flourish, and even though it isn’t complete, it is beautiful, nonetheless. And despite the sorrow of losing a child, we have gained a heavenly friend to grace us from above. My own heart too, has grown in compassion for the many other women who have carried the same cross. By embracing the halfway dreams of 2022, I can appreciate every moment of the journey and see each stumble or leap as crucial to the whole.

I see so many posts on social media that chronicle tidy little stories of dreams come true: the job attained, the award received, the milestone reached, the prayer answered. It can often seem as though everyone around us is achieving their dreams in perfect, planned out steps while we’re just scrambling to make it through the day and figure out what’s for dinner. And while social media allows us to paint a self-portrait of our lives that highlights only the successes, we know it just isn’t true and that even the stories that make the perfect instagram post are really just halfway dreams in disguise on their way to greater fulfillment. 

So I’m here to say Cheers! to the halfway dreams of 2022. To my family that gained both a heavenly child and another earthly one. To growing as a parent while still wondering what the heck I’m doing. To reading more books even though I still fell short of my reading goal. To maintaining old friendships and beginning new ones. To launching this blog and still figuring out where it’s going. To creating fresh memories and savoring old ones. To all the halfway dreams of 2022, may they continue to grow, flourish and become.

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series “Cheers!”.